


When I'm Ready

by icreatedthisaccountbecauseofgrizzandsam



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, American Sign Language, Angst, Anxiety, Dyslexia, Fluff, Grizz Must Be Protected, Grizz is an Artist, Grizz's Mother is Not Nice, High School, M/M, Panic Attacks, Therapy, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 04:30:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icreatedthisaccountbecauseofgrizzandsam/pseuds/icreatedthisaccountbecauseofgrizzandsam
Summary: Grizz was trying to complete some practice questions for economics but he was really struggling and his brain was getting tired so the whole 'actually being able to read’ business was becoming a struggle. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair deciding to tie it up in a little bun right as a ball of scrunched up paper landed on his table.'Economics kicking your ass too?' it read.orTutoring AU.





	When I'm Ready

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for mistakes. Also I'm not sure if the pacing is right... I've been going back and forth and deleting whole chunks of text and rewriting it because I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but thought I might as well just get it out there as excited for people to read it! Enjoy! :)

Grizz loved the library; he loved the smell of books, being able to gain knowledge you didn’t have before, the silence of a library. It was God’s cruel gift to give him dyslexia really but he dealt with it just fine. And during his free period (after lunch, at 13:00, every Tuesday) he loved the library for entirely different reason - he shared the free period with Sam and Becca who could also usually be found in the school’s silent haven.  
  
He was trying to complete some practice questions for economics he was really struggling and his brain was getting tired so the whole 'actually being able to read’ business was becoming a struggle. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair deciding to tie it up in a little bun right as a ball of scrunched up paper landed on his table.   
  
He frowned and finished tying his hair up before reading the piece of paper ’econ kicking your ass too?’ it read. Grizz frowned at the paper and looked up to see Becca and Sam looking at him with kind smiles on their faces. Sam jerked his head as if to say 'come here’. This was new. Grizz messily shoved his textbooks into his bag from where they were splayed out on the table and made his way over to where he sat down next to Sam and opposite Becca.

 "Hey Grizz." Becca said, signing along with her words.   
  
“Hey - so are you guys any good at economics 'cos I need all the help I can get. Mr David said he's going to have to talk to my parents if I fail this mock test he’s giving us and that just isn’t really an option." Grizz tumbled his way through words as he set his backpack in his lap and started getting out his textbooks and paper. When he looked up Becca was still interpreting for Sam everything he had just said.   
  
”Grizz try slowing down maybe.” Becca said with that eerily knowing motherly look she often had on her face after she’d finished interpreting. ”And look at Sam when you speak.”   
  
”O-ok yeah, I can do that, sorry.” Grizz stuttered out with a small smile. He’s not going to survive this free period if Sam is going to be staring at his lips for the whole hour.  
  
”So - economics?” Becca asked with a smile which caused Grizz to let out a big breath and say “yeah.”   
  
"Should we start with what’s going to be on the test or is there something you're struggling with in particular?” Becca asked from across the table.  
  
”I - um - I’m struggling with most of it really, but there is something that I highlighted...“ Grizz’s eyebrows furrowed and relaxed a few times in concentration as he tried to keep his mouth visible but still look down at his textbook to see what he was going over before. “What is it - game theory? And oli - pol - no. Oli - olig. “Grizz tilted his head at his textbook with a frown before grunting in frustration. He went hunting through his backpack for his yellow square he'd lost somewhere in between moving table.   
  
“Oligopolistic?” Sam asked Becca for clarification as if he thought he made a mistake reading Grizz’s lips. Grizz pulled his head out of bag surprised to hear Sam’s voice but he tried to not let that be obvious. He put his finger on the tip of his nose and pointed at Sam like in charades. The gesture caused all of them to laugh.   
  
“Sorry dyslexia." He finger spelled ‘dyslexia’ with his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. He had learnt the ASL alphabet in school but that felt like a long time ago now.  
  
“It's usually not like a problem, but economics is making my brain foggy, and yeah, and I can’t find this stupid square." He finished off ducking his head back into his bag.   
  
"So you can't read?" Sam asked - signing as well out of habit - to which Becca signed ’don’t be rude’ unbeknownst to Grizz.   
  
“I can read." Grizz said defensively before biting his lip scrunching his eyebrows together. Sam lifted his hands up with his palms facing outward as if to say 'sorry no offence’.   
  
“I just find it hard sometimes and I have to do things a bit differently - sometimes - to make it easier." Grizz repeated as it had been said to him by learning support assistants many times over the years though he barely believed himself.   
  
“I get that." Becca said with a nod. Sam still had a confused look on his face.   
  
“So we can look at th-" Becca began but Grizz pushed his chair back from the table and shoved his textbooks and such back into his bag. He put on a fake smile that looked more like a grimace and said "I uh - I don't know I'm not really in the mood for it anymore, but thanks for the offer anyway guys."   
  
Becca glared at Sam while interpreting what Grizz said as said boy quickly uttered ”bye" and skittered out of the library.   


 

Grizz managed to find some boys from the football team to throw a ball around with for the last half an hour of free period hoping to clear his head. He gets enough grief at home for his dyslexia - he doesn't need it at school as well. His teachers were great and even the boys on the football team would never mock him for it, in fact, no one had ever even blinked twice at the fact.  
  
A football hit him in the chest at that moment and he found himself winded. He always gets tears in his eyes when he's winded; it’s the same as when he’s having a panic attack so it makes it hard to tell the difference sometimes.   
  
“Hey dude - sorry man, but you were totally were spaced out. Are you alright?” Luke came to his side and put a hand on his back which he tried to shrug off.   
  
“Just-" he patted his collarbone once and took a deep breath “winded.”   
  
"Want us to take you to see Tracy? She’ll probably let you skip econ.” Clark said to which Grizz gave a thumbs-up and nodded with tears now flowing freely down his face.   
  
Grizz has been getting panic attacks since he was about ten years old - when he thought about dying for the first time - so the boys have had to deal with more than a few. They always referred to his panic attacks as him being ‘winded’. He's not sure if any of them have ever put two and two together, but then he might not be giving them as much credit as they deserve.   
  
“Football to the chest, Trace.” Luke said with a grin as they dropped Grizz off with Tracy, the school nurse, a small woman with a round figure and bob length dyed blonde hair.   
  
“Okay Luke, thanks for bringing him in." She said with a smile gesturing for Grizz to sit on the bed in the corner of the nurse’s office.  
  
“Trace.” Grizz said in greeting with a charming smile and a nod of his head as he laid down on the bed.

 “Nearly over?"

 “Yeah - just a small one." Grizz breathed out with another grimace of a smile.   
  
Grizz saw Tracy as his unofficial counsellor, she has always been much better than the therapist his dad paid hundreds of dollars for, she sometimes gives him self-care homework and they track his panic attacks to see if he can avoid triggers. Tracy sat on a chair next to the bed after opening a file drawer and pulling out a notebook which Grizz recognised as _his_ notebook.   
  
”Did anything bring it on?" She asked.  
  
At that moment there was a knock at the door, Grizz looked up to find Sam looking like a deer caught in headlights Grizz tried to keep a straight face but his breathing started to pick up again.   
  
Tracy smiled and signed a greeting and led Sam outside leaving the door ajar. 'Urgent?’ Tracy signed to which Sam shook his head.   
  
'Sorry, not now.’ For Sam’s health and safety being the school nurse Tracy knew a few basic signs. Sam pointed to the office and finger spelled ’Grizz' with a questioning look on his face.   
  
'He’s ok.’ She replied with a smile and a reassuring nod. Sam nodded but looked unconvinced and made his way to his next lesson.   
  
Tracy sat by Grizz until he calmed down fully which took another ten minutes. “Want to talk about anything, hun?” Tracy asked with a smile on her face, ready to take notes.

“New medication is making me feel crazy.” Grizz said with a self deprecating chuckle as he fiddled his thumbs in his lap.

“No good, huh?”

“I just feel more anxious, more of the time and it’s like anything will set off a panic attack - I don’t know.”  

 “Ok honey-”

"I think I'm gay.” Grizz croaked out.

"Oh - kay. That's ok, Grizz." Tracy placed a hand on the boy‘s back with a small frown confused at the timing of the announcement but wanting to be supportive.  
  
"My mum and dad will hate me." Grizz said and looked up at Tracy - it wasn't something worth crying over as he’d come to the conclusion long before now.   
  
“You don't have to worry about that right now. You don't have to worry about anyone but yourself. Coming out only happens when you're ready and when you know you’ll be safe. Ok? Can you repeat that for me Gareth?” Using his real name to let him know she meant business.   
  
“Coming out only happens when you’re-” Grizz began after taking a deep breath.

"When ‘I’ am.” Tracy corrected   
  
“When I'm-”  
  
“Ah-ah! Start from the beginning!” Tracy said with a little push to Grizz's shoulder which made him smile through glassy eyes.   
  
“Coming out only happens when I’m ready and when I know I’ll be safe.” Grizz said with a sad smile.   
  
"Atta boy.” Tracy said with a proud smile. “Do you need more time to chill at all?”   
  
Grizz took a deep breath and said “nah, I think I'm good.” He scrubbed his palms over his face and grabbed his backpack off the floor. “Can I have a hug?” He asked hesitantly.  
  
“Of course.” Tracy gave him the tightest hug he’s had from anyone without having won a football match in a long time.   
  
“Take care of yourself G. Now get out of my office.” She said with no malice which caused Grizz to bark out a laugh.   
  
As Grizz was getting into his car that afternoon after school he was approached by Sam and Becca. They both looked sombre and a little bit intimidating which was normal but the fact they were approaching him in the first place was definitely not normal. Sam waved in greeting before stopping in front of him with Becca just off to the side.   
  
“Hey guys, what’s up? I kind of feel like you’re about to kidnap me or something.” Grizz said with a small laugh, he was always much more comfortable when people around him were smiling.   
  
'l’m sorry, about today.’ Sam signed. Grizz recognised the sign for ’sorry' but Becca was there to translate the rest.   
  
Grizz nodded slowly. “Don’t worry about it - it's all good.” He said with a smile that felt fake.

’No, I was rude and I’m sorry.’

“You weren’t rude.” Grizz started but Becca continued talking for Sam as he continued to sign.

’I hate when people assume I can’t do things as well so I'm sorry.’   
  
Grizz nodded slowly and shoved his hands into his pockets whilst biting his lip.   
  
“This is yours?” Sam said as he held out a yellow tinted acrylic square shaped like a puzzle piece that Grizz used for reading.   
  
He blushed and signed ’thank you’ placing the square in his pocket.

’I could tutor you for economics - if you want?’   
  
Grizz frowned and looked between Sam and Becca so make sure there wasn’t a misunderstanding.   
  
“I really don’t think that’s-”   
  
Becca interrupted Grizz “he's really good, he’s basically the only reason I'm not falling. Mr David is a dick and pretty much expects you to learn everything by yourself.”   
  
Grizz didn't like where this was going; he didn't want to have to be in close proximity with Sam for long periods of time with Sam probably thinking he was stupid the whole time none the less. But then again he really did need help with economics and he wanted to get to know Sam better he just didn’t want to make a fool of himself in the process.   
  
'You can help me with art. Your artwork is amazing and I need all the help I can get.’ Becca continued to interpret for Sam.   
  
“I don't really know how I could help with art.” Grizz muttered.

‘Anything would be an improvement for me.’ Becca laughed as she interpreted and added “he’s right."   
  
“Uh - I - I guess I can do that.” Grizz stuttered with a shrug. He was never good at accepting offers of help but when someone asked for help it was quite hard for him to say no.   


 

It’s Friday now and Grizz left school early due to another panic attack. When Grizz arrived home his mother was still at work but he went to greet his father who was in his office as he usually is.   
  
“You alright son?” Andrew, Grizz's father asked lifting his head up from his work for a rare moment. Grizz’s father was a kind man but a workaholic through and through.   
  
“Yeah I’m alright - it's just some anxiety stuff.” Grizz muttered with a shrug as he sat at the end of his father's desk and fiddled with his thumbs.  
  
“Is the medication doing any good?” Andrew asked turning all his attention to Grizz.  
  
Grizz shrugged his shoulders again “I don’t know really - it doesn't seem like it - feels like it's getting worse.” He finished off looking into his dad's kind eyes.   
  
“We'll bring it up at your next session with Dr Morales." His father said as he grabbed his diary to write the task down, ever the planner. “Sound good?" 

“Yeah.” Grizz uttered with a nod of his head.

“How's school work going then kid?" Andrew asked nudging his son’s knee with his own.   
  
“Yeah - yeah it's alright. I forgot to say - someone is coming over today to help me with economics is that alright?"   
  
“Yes of course Gar! You don’t need a tutor do you, we can pay for -”   
  
“No dad, no he's just helping me with some bits I don't understand and I’m helping him with art. It's uh - Sam, Campbell's brother.” Grizz finished off.   
  
“Oh yeah I remember him. He's deaf isn't he?"

“Yeah.”

“How's that going to work?”   
  
“Dad." Grizz whined. “He can speak and write and he can read lips. We’ll figure it out.” Grizz said as he started to walk away.   
  
“Okay - just asking, love you too son o’ mine!” Andrew hollered at Grizz’s back causing him to laugh. ”Regina,” their cook, “is making food for eight o’clock!” He added.   


 

Grizz swung the door open before Sam had a chance to knock and waved enthusiastically in greeting causing Sam to look at him funny. Grizz was trying to act normal but maybe he was overdoing it a bit and hanging out with Becca Sam probably doesn’t see enthusiastic very often. 

“Welcome!” He said and gestured for Sam to enter.   
  
“Nice house.” The red haired boy said causing Grizz to nod and leave them in awkward silence as Sam took his shoes off.   
  
“Is it alright if we start with art? I’m not ready to think about economics right now.” Grizz said with a grimace once they arrived in his bedroom.   
  
“Sure.” Sam said with a shrug.   
  
”So how can I be of use to you?”   
  
Sam pulled out his sketchbook that he brought with him while Grizz said “all my best work Is done on this floor” and gestured for them to sit down on the floor instead of his bed.   
  
“Do you mind if I have a look?” Grizz asked and gestured to Sam’s sketchbook, the boy shrugged in response.   
  
“Okay you have some good stuff in here it’s just very bare.” Grizz said after looking through Sam’s sketchbook for a bit.   
  
“You need to treat your sketchbook as a piece of art work too.” Grizz said with sparkling eyes before jumping up to grab his identical sketchbook from beside his desk. Sam's eyebrows rose as he glanced briefly into the book, every page was covered top to bottom and there was a lot of writing to explain each choice but Grizz had almost managed to make the writing like a piece of art in itself.   
  
Sam looked between his own open sketchbook and Grizz’s thoughtfully. “I’m not good at filling space.”   
  
“Well uh - you could even just paint a page black or - or a gradient before you start. Then it’s more interesting you know?" Grizz said and leaned over Sam to flip to an example in his own sketchbook.   
  
Once settled back down on his heels he looked at Sam's work again. “You chose movement as your theme?” Sam nodded in response. “So you need more movement! All of your pictures are very still.”   
  
“They’re pictures. They don't move.” Sam said unhelpfully which made Grizz grin and roll his eyes.

“Have you tried working with inks?”   
  
Sam shook his head no which caused Grizz to stand up again and find his own collection of inks. When Grizz came back he kneeled opposite Sam this time flipping to another page in his sketchbook where he’d experimented with inks.   
  
“So if you’re going to be-” Grizz began as he looked down to unscrew the ink lids but stopped when Sam touched his arm lightly causing him to look up and see Sam pointing at his own lips.   
  
“I need you to look at me when you speak.”

“Fuck sorry - yeah.” Grizz muttered to which Sam smiled.   
  
"So one of your ideas-” Grizz flipped to Sam’s initial ideas page. “-was about dancers’ movements which is a real cool idea.” Sam nodded along with Grizz to let him know he understood. "”So if you roughly sketch out a dancer.” Grizz did so after flipping to an empty page in his own sketchbook making sure not to talk when his head was down.   
  
“Then get some ink and drop it where you want. Then grab the other end of a paintbrush or something and just move the ink about." Sam looked on with wide eyes in fascination as Grizz created a picture that really did capture a dancer’s movement. "You can also get a straw and blow the ink where you want it so it’s really organic looking or you can also drop alcohol on the inks and it creates some really cool stuff.”   
  
Grizz looked at his art and nodded then looked to Sam. “Or what you can also do is add PVA glue to paint and it make it gloopy? Like slime. And then drop it from high up and it will give you the effect kind of like ink.” Grizz watched Sam as he wiped his face and got ink all over it which caused the red haired boy to smile.   
  
“That's really cool.” Sam said and looked back down at the picture as Grizz dropped another colour of ink on the page and used his fingers this time to smudge it over the picture. The ink smeared over the top of the previous colour allowing it to show through.   
  
“You have a go. I'm going to get some straws.” Grizz said with a cheeky grin and raise of his eyebrows.   
  
Sam hesitantly picked up a pencil and started to draw out the shape of a dancing body but quickly erased it and began again. By the time Grizz came back he was on his sixth drawing. He huffed in frustration and went to erase it again but Grizz had arrived by his side and grabbed his hand to stop him. Sam quickly pulled his hands out of Grizz’s grip which caused him to frown.   
  
“Sorry. Don't grab my hands." Sam muttered.   
  
Grizz moved on quickly with a “sorry” and a nod of his head. “Why were you going to erase it?”

“Because it's shit.” Sam said with a self deprecating laugh.

Grizz looked down to Sam's drawing with a thoughtful look on his face. “How is it shit?”   
  
“It's just so - it just looks bad.” Sam said as he compared it to Grizz’s piece causing Grizz to pick his own art up and put it out of sight.   
  
“Just put some ink on it.” He ordered and Sam followed.   
  
Grizz tapped on Sam's shoulder to get his attention. “Don’t be so tense. Here - stand up.” Grizz stood up and motioned for Sam to do the same. “Now drop the ink from here, it doesn’t have to be perfect.” Sam nodded and did as he was told. When pleased with the results he smiled and picked up another colour.   
  
“I think I'm done.” Sam said after a few minutes as he turned to Grizz who was watching him with a small smile.   
  
“Excellent. I love a man who knows when to finish.” Grizz said with a clap of his hands and then blushed when he realised what words just came out of his mouth all the while Sam burst into a fit of giggles managing to get ink everywhere. Grizz shoved his shoulder for laughing so hard.   
  
“You and me both Grizz.” Sam said through a smile as he put the ink dropper back in its respective pot.   
  
Grizz picked up the toilet roll he kept by the side of his bed and cleaned up some of the ink that got on his floor, it was already dotted with small paint stains so it wasn't too big of a deal.   
  
“Thank you.” Sam said as he admired his art work while Grizz cleaned.   
  
“It’s cool man. You have loads of good ideas - just loosen up a bit and get something down on paper. Art is supposed to be fun you know?”   
  
“Speaking of fun, should we get some econ done?” Sam said which caused Grizz to groan and starfish back on his bed. He noticed some of his shirt riding up and quickly pulled it down.   
  
“I’d rather die.” Grizz muttered with his eyes closed. He felt a poke in his belly and curled in on himself before opening his eyes to see Sam leaning over him expectantly. “Okay then.” The long haired boy groaned and sat up crossed legged on his bed leaving room for Sam to perch next to him.   
  
Grizz reached to his bed side table and picked up a glasses case, inside was a pair of thick framed yellow tinted reading glasses. “They're easier than that square.” Grizz said as he put them on.   
  
“Why don’t you wear them at school?” Sam inquired.   
  
“Because they’re ugly…” Grizz huffed out with a laugh.   
  
“They’re cute.” Sam said simply which made Grizz blush and shake his head. “Is it ok if I ask - what does the yellow do?”   
  
“It just kind of makes things clearer I guess - it's strange. It's kind of like when you sharpen a photo you know? That’s what happens to words when I have a yellow overlay or my glasses on.” Grizz said fiddling with his glasses. “It doesn’t always work but most days it helps.”   
  
“That's quite cool.” Sam responded. “It’s kind of like a hearing aid.” Sam mentioned and Grizz nodded.   
  
“Why don't you wear hearing aids?” Grizz asked hesitantly but Sam just shrugged.   
  
“I have very little hearing so they don’t help as much as they would for someone who is only partially deaf. I own hearing aids. But the noise - I find it kind of annoying actually.” Sam said with a small laugh that made Grizz nod with a smile even though he didn’t really understand.   
  
They'd been working on economics for the better part of an hour but after Grizz read the same line about aggregate demand over and over - about ten times - he decided he better call it a day. Grizz nudged Sam with his shoulder and shook his head. “Can we stop? I’m not getting it anymore.” He said taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

Sam nodded in response standing up to pack his bag as Grizz leaned against the headboard.   
  
“You did well today. I think you know more than you think you do. Have you applied for extra time in the exam?” Sam enquired lightly looking up for Grizz’s response which was a small shake of the head with pursed lips.   
  
“It's not a bad thing to-”   
  
“Can you just leave it please?” Grizz muttered as he dropped his head back and closed his eyes.

“So when can we do this again?” Sam asked and poked Grizz’s thigh causing the boy to squirm. “I have football Monday, Wednesday and Friday after school."   
  
“It’s Friday today.” Sam said confused.   
  
“I had a thing.” Grizz said dismissively.   
  
“Okay - Tuesday?”   
  
“Can’t do Tuesday either, maybe before school one day?" Grizz asked which caused Sam to huff out a laugh. “I can barely wake up in time for school let alone any earlier. You have a lot of 'things’.”   
  
“I’m a busy guy what can I say - so Thursday?” Grizz said with a grin.   
  
“Well what are you doing on Tuesday maybe I could meet you after?” Sam pushed lightly.   
  
“Nah that wouldn't work.” Grizz said with a tight lipped smile. Grizz was acutely aware of how little he wanted to be around other people after therapy and knowing his next session would not only consist of his regular hour and a half therapy with Mr Collins, but also a half an hour with Dr Morales to discuss his medication, let’s just say he was going to be emotionally drained.   
  
Sam had the sense not to enquire more about what Grizz was doing gathering that he simply didn't want to share.   


 

Grizz was currently sat in English class last period on Monday. It was their first day with a new teacher as it was only their second week back from winter break so the class would probably be slightly chaotic as students tested out their new teacher's patience.   
  
“Hello everyone, my name is Miss Jane. This semester we’ll be reading ‘An Inspector Calls’ and in this class I expect you all to hold your own weight. No one will be awarded special treatment." A petite woman with long brown hair and thick framed glasses spoke from the front of the class, dressed like how you’d imagine an English teacher to dress.   
  
"Now we’ll start with reading the first chapter as a class because l’m guessing that no one did their reading over break." She said with tight Iipped smile.   
  
“Sam, please begin.” This caused Grizz to look up from where he was doodling in his work book and it seemed to catch the class’ attention as it went silent. Becca who was interpreting for Sam looked confusedly at the teacher.   
  
“Um Miss -" She began to protest but was cut off. “No one will be given special treatment." Miss Jane repeated with finality and gestured for Sam to go ahead.   
  
Sam was frowning at Becca and signing something heatedly. Grizz obviously couldn’t understand what they were saying but they seemed to be arguing. "Mr Eliot, please.” Miss Jane's voice caused Becca to stop signing and gesture for Sam to start reading.

”The ..."   
  
Along with the rest of the class Grizz looked on intently as Sam’s stilted voice read the first few paragraphs of 'An Inspector Calls’. It was probably the first time many people had heard his voice and Grizz felt bad for finding it beautiful in the situation as he clearly seemed uncomfortable.   
  
As Sam carried on most of the class turned their attention back to their own books while Grizz turned his attention to Campbell who seemed like he was sitting on a witty and/or mocking joke.   
  
And as if on cue “come on Miss we’ll be here until the next ice age if Sam is going to be the one reading.” Some laughter broke out from the corner of the classroom that Campbell was in which got Sam’s attention and caused his face to go red.   
  
“That's enough class, thank you Sam." Miss Jane gained control back of the classroom.   
  
Sam sat down and ignored Becca's attempt at communication seeming content to stare at his well-worn copy of 'An inspector Calls’. Grizz wondered what it’d be like to ignore the world around him like that. His brain seems to move a million miles a minute sometimes, picking up every sound, sight and smell around him. He can't begin to imagine missing one of those senses.   
  
Grizz slowly approached Sam and Becca after class where they were signing to each other at light speed. Sam’s back was to Grizz so Becca announced his arrival. ”Hey Grizz." She said as well as signed. Grizz smiled brightly in way of greeting but felt a bit awkward.   
  
“Uh - I just wanted to say like it was real crappy what Miss Jane did to you Sam." Grizz muttered, his eyes flicking between Becca and Sam.  
  
”That's what I said.” Becca uttered which caused Sam to roll his eyes.

”Yeah I got weird vibes off her - like - scary vibes." Grizz said.   
  
“Why? Because she got the deaf kid to speak - why is that so bad?” Sam questioned and Grizz blushed and grimaced not having thought that what he said could come across as condescending.   
  
”What she did wasn't ok." Becca said slowly and signing harshly after poking Sam to get his attention   
  
“What if I want to practice my speaking?" Sam asked with his full attention on Becca now.   
  
Becca narrowed her eyes and signed ‘that isn't the way to do it’ leaving Grizz out of the conversation but Sam was having none of it.   
  
"How would you know? You are not deaf! What if I want to be able to talk to more people than just you Becca?" Sam exclaimed before turning his back to Becca not wanting to listen to her anymore. She huffed slightly before shaking her head and walking away.

“Hey I'm sorry man-" Grizz started.   
  
“I asked Miss Jane to treat me like everyone else.” Sam cut Grizz off watching him expectantly for a response.   
  
Grizz pursed both lips together and chewed on the bottom one for a moment. “Well then I’m sorry for making a big deal of it.” He continued which made Sam frown and tilt his head like a puppy as if he was expecting to have to argue more.   
  
“Becca doesn't understand why I would want to speak but she’s hearing and she chooses to not have a lot of friends - I wasn’t given that choice. There isn't really deaf culture around West Ham." Sam muttered sadly. “I just want to be able to interact with people easily.” Grizz nodded along as Sam spoke. “I don't want people to be shocked when they hear my voice. I wish I could just sign, but people don’t hear me when I sign." Sam finished off with a raise of his eyebrows.

‘l’m sorry.’ Grizz signed.  
  
Sam signed back 'thank you’ with a sad smile.  
  
“Didn't you have football practice today?" Sam asked after wiping some tears that had formed and pulling himself together.   
  
“Yeah but I wanted to see if you were alright." Grizz said earnestly which caused Sam to look at him funny.

“Do you think I could get another art lesson then?” Sam said cheekily.

“Do you need a lift to mine?" Grizz asked without hesitation.   
  
When they were both settled in Grizz’s car Sam asked “you seem to miss practice a lot - won't you get in trouble?”   
  
Grizz shrugged in response “I sometimes have to miss practice for personal reasons so coach will probably just assume. And in case you haven’t noticed - I'm quite good." He said with a cheeky grin which caused Sam to roll his eyes.   
  
Once Grizz pulled into his driveway after a very silent ride home he cursed in frustration at the sight of his mother's car parked in the garage. He turned off the engine and turned to Sam whose smile dropped at the sight of Grizz’s face “you alright?”   
  
“My mum's home.” Grizz sighed out in response.   
  
“Is that a bad thing?” Sam asked with a frown. He had met both of Grizz’s parents when they were younger as they had grown up together just like everyone in West Ham, he doesn’t remember much about them though.    
  
“She’s just a lot to deal with.” Grizz said after a moment and then exited the car without thinking he made his way to the passenger side to open Sam’s door for him before blushing when he got a strange look.   
  
"Hi honey! How come you’re home? Was practice cancelled?” Grizz's mother, Anne, called from the kitchen unaware of Grizz's guest.   
  
As the boys took their shoes off Grizz called back “yeah mum practice was cancelled so I brought a friend over to study.” Grizz winced hoping his mother would leave it and stay in the kitchen but no such luck.   
  
She rounded the corner with an apron on and tea towel over her shoulder, the picture of domesticity, even though she spent 90% of her time at work.   
  
“Is it a girlfriend...” Anne’s voice trailed off as her eyes landed on the guest in her house. Grizz blinked and waited for his mother’s reaction with bated breath.   
  
“Hi Sam! How are you?” She said to the boy in question with what looked like a forced smile on her face. At least she wasn't being outwardly rude Grizz thanked the heavens.   
  
“Good, thank you Miss Visser." Sam responded with a kind smile. Anne's face dropped a little seemingly having forgotten that Sam’s speaking voice isn’t going to be perfect like she expected.   
  
“Mrs Visser, thank you Sam.” She corrected dismissingly and turned to Grizz with a questioning look.   
  
“He's helping me with economics.” He said simply in explanation then tapped Sam’s shoulder and gestured for the red haired boy to follow him upstairs.   
  
”Have fun.” Anne called after them with little enthusiasm.   
  
Grizz let out a breath as he entered his room and dropped down onto his bed face first. “Your mum is a bitch.” Sam muttered which caused Grizz to burst into laughter and turn towards him nodding with a “yep”.   
  
They started with economics this time. Sam was right last week in saying Grizz does understand a lot of the syllabus but recalling the information from memory and knowing how to answer exam questions are areas where he struggles.   
  
Their current seating arrangement may be why Grizz is starting to have a hard time focusing. The two boys were sat on Grizz's bed with their backs against the wall that Grizz’s bed is pushed up against; their legs were spread in front of them with books in their laps. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder with most of the side of their bodies attached having gradually moved closer as the hour went on.   
  
Due to the closeness when Grizz looked up at the same time as Sam their faces ended up being mere inches apart, the third this happened Grizz decided he needed a breather. He stood up abruptly and signed to Sam 'food, drink?’ which caused Sam to smile and shake his head lightly. “You speak ASL now?" He asked and signed at the same time.   
  
Grizz blushed which is all he ever seems to be doing around Sam and signed ‘l’m learning'. “Thought it might be useful.” He said.   
  
“I’m going to head to the toilet." Grizz said and jerked his thumb in the direction of the door before exiting. He took his time in the toilet to breathe deeply and splash water on his face.    
  
“Do you think you could help me with art now?" Sam asked from where he was now lying on Grizz’s bed when the boy returned from the toilet.   
  
“Uh - yeah - sure." Grizz stuttered, his brain taking a minute to process Sam Eliot lying _horizontally_ in _his_ bed.

"We can't do it on the bed though."   
  
“That’s not very gentlemanly.” Sam snickered and Grizz blushed once again.

“So did you get any more work done?" Grizz asked once they'd both set up on the floor.   
  
“I tried but I don't know if it’s any good." Sam said as he flipped through his sketchbook to newly filled out pages.   
  
”This is good - you chose really nice colours that complement each other well.” Grizz mentioned as he ran his hands over blues and greens and pinks. There were four figures on the page each in different stages of the same dance move.   
  
“I just don't know what to do now."

"Well you can look at different artists that are similar to what you’re doing now to take inspiration and work from there? Anthony Gormley does a lot of figures and he uses interesting materials to create them. You could-”  
  
"Grizz, you're talking too fast." Sam said placing a hand on the boy's arm.

“Fuck! Sorry l just get excited and can’t stop talking.”   
  
“lt's alright.” Sam said with a shrug.   
  
“It must be annoying though.” Grizz said quietly.   
  
“I'm used to it. Anyway you’re cute when you get excited.” Sam said simply causing Grizz to smile shyly and shake his head. “Artists?” Sam prompted.  
  
“Yes! I think you should look at Anthony Gormley and Alberto Seveso as well." Grizz said and finger spelled the names slowly.   
  
”Show me them?” Sam said gesturing to Grizz's laptop on the bed.   
  
Grizz nodded and reached to grab his laptop. As it booted up he prayed to all the deities that there wasn't any porn open on his internet browser. There was no porn but arguably worse were five tabs open of different websites to learn ASL which he promptly shut down before turning to Sam who had a knowing look in his eyes but kept his mouth shut.  
  
They researched artists for Sam for about half an hour before Sam shoved Grizz and said “why didn't you come to me if you wanted to learn ASL?”   
  
“That would have ruined the surprise.” Grizz muttered.

“Well now the surprise is ruined - I can teach you some?”

“That would be nice.” Grizz said and placed his laptop on the floor beside them both.   
  
“What do you want to know?”   
  
"Well I know some basic stuff like ‘sorry' and 'thank you’.”Grizz signed these words as he spoke them.

"You know the alphabet too." Sam said and Grizz nodded.

”How do you say like 'can I help you’ or ’I need food'?" Grizz asked which elicited a chuckle out of Sam.   
  
“They’re some very important phrases there." Sam signed as well as speaking now so Grizz would get used to repeated words and phrases. “So you want to know verbs and longer sentences not just words.” He continued to which Grizz agreed.  


 

“It’s late Gareth - Sam should be heading home soon.” Anne said as she knocked before immediately entering Grizz's room causing Sam to jump. They were practising ASL and had been for the past hour after giving up on school work.   
  
“You’re getting lots of work done I see.” Anne said sarcastically nodding to the forgotten laptop and textbooks as she dropped off a pile of clean clothes on Grizz’s bed.   
  
“Sam it's time to head home please.” She said from where she was folding the clothes.   
  
Grizz frowned and signed ’I’m sorry’ to Sam. ”Mum you know Sam is deaf.” Grizz said which caused Sam to furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he read Grizz’s lips.   
  
“None of that nonsense." She muttered as she left the room.   
  
Grizz dropped his head back to his bed and let out a heavy sigh. He opened his eyes and glanced at Sam who had given him a shove.   
  
‘Bitch.’ Sam signed and mouthed which caused Grizz to laugh loudly.   


 

That night Grizz’s family ate together as they did most nights at the insistence of his mother, even though she was the one to miss it most often. Dinners together used to be nice when Grizz was younger - it was one of the only times he got to see his parents and he could tell them about his day. But as Grizz grew older and his mother’s cold personality became more apparent dinner became more of a chore.

“So how come Sam Eliot was helping you with school work today - do you need a tutor Gareth?” Anne asked as soon as everyone was settled in for dinner.   
  
“I’m just struggling with economics a little but it's no big deal.” He said with a tight lipped smile and started to eat his dinner faster hoping he could be excused sooner.   
  
“Ok - and is he any help?" Anne asked nonchalantly but the Grizz gathered the meaning.   
  
Grizz narrowed his eyes at her at that comment. “Yes. He's top of the class."   
  
“Does he have any extra help?” She asked surprised.   
  
“No I think he’s just clever Mum.” Grizz said in a tone as if she was stupid.   
  
“Well I can’t see how someone like him can-“   
  
“Anne, please. He's deaf. He’s not an idiot.” Andrew said trying to calm the tension at the dinner table.   
  
Grizz could usually hear the comments his mother was going to make before they came out of her mouth but sometimes she threw a curveball.   
  
“No that’s our son." Anne said pointedly and went back to eating her dinner as if nothing happened and Andrew did the same with a shake of his head. After a few minutes of blissful silence she spoke again “you know I heard from Gillian that he’s gay.”   
  
“Why does that matter mum?” Grizz said loudly dropping his cutlery onto his plate before she’d even finished speaking his heart rate having picked up from anger and some fear.  
  
“It's just something to think about. You should be careful spending too much time around him.”   
  
“Yeah, sure - whatever.” Grizz muttered before going back to his food. He glanced nervously at his dad to try and gauge his reaction but the man stayed stone faced. They ate the rest of dinner in silence.   
  
Grizz’s head was spinning with questions as he tried to get to sleep that night. That woman really knew what to say to get on his nerves. He rolled over in bed to glance at his alarm clock. It was 04:00. Fuck.  


**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter: we see some of Grizz's therapy session, we meet Sam's parents, and the boys get to know each other some more. 
> 
> Apologies if anyone has dyslexia and this does not reflect their experience. Also I don't want it to be like Sam is tutoring Grizz simply because he's dyslexic and I hope I conveyed that, boy just wants to get close to boy and boy is struggling. Anyway I'm real good at writing angst but not too good at the fluff so y'all are in for a rough ride. I already have bits of the second and third chapter written - I'm thinking the whole story will be about three or five chapters long (four is too awkward a number). Love to get some comments - hope you enjoyed! :)


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